All posts tagged: neonatal death

babyloss awareness

Surviving Babyloss

In the first few days and early weeks after my son died, I wished to feel normal again. I longed, not just for the pain to ease, but just to feel like myself again. It felt like I lived in a bubble, everyone around me was living their normal lives but I was in a very lonely, isolated bubble of vulnerability and pain. I have never felt pain like it – physical pain, mental pain that affected how much I could do, how much I could cope with, how much I could enjoy, how much I could focus on. I felt like I could break at any moment – each day was about forcing myself to get out of bed, to do something rather than just wallow; to do something rather than just desperately want my baby back. There was an aching in my arms for the baby I  couldn’t hold and a physical pain in my heart as it ached for what I had lost. In those early weeks I wasn’t sure how much …

Pregnancy After Loss

Pregnancy after any kind of babyloss – miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death – can be a time of anxiety and worry which can range from mild to extreme. This can ease as your pregnancy progresses or you may remain anxious until your baby is safely in your arms. You might feel cautious about telling people or about preparing for birth and bringing your baby home. It is also possible to feel frustrated with other people around you who don’t quite understand why you may be feeling anxious or cautious. I work with parents to help them prepare for birth again and for meeting their baby. You may be preparing to do labour & birth again, you may be induced and you might be planning a caesarean – it can help to talk through all of these options so you feel better prepared and less anxious about birth. To prepare for birth again, you may want to attend a small group antenatal course, or 1:1 birth preparation may work better so you can take your time and …

Life After Babyloss

Life after babyloss – eleven years ago  life changed forever. My baby boy, who was three days old , needed heart surgery to save his life. He had already had surgery when he was 6 hours old and he had been heavily medicated since then. The surgery was meant to be straight-forward but it was heart surgery on a tiny 3 day old baby, how straightforward could it be? We went into intensive care early to see our boy and to speak to the surgical team. I wasn’t able to cuddle him but I said my goodbyes. He opened his eyes and he smiled at me, despite his nurse saying he shouldn’t be able to be that responsive because of his meds. This was the last time I saw him alive and it’s a brief moment that will stay with me forever. Life after losing a baby has been a challenge in so many ways, it’s hard to put it all into words. In the beginning it was just getting up and getting through the …